Touching the Porcelain Heart
by FBMPyroTech
Summary: Jean knows this is wrong, but he can't resist his urges to come back every night. Tonight should've been no different, he is caught by the worst person to have caught him. Now he can touch that porcelain heart he has sought to reach...or will it only lead to a shattering demise? Jean K. x Mikasa A. NOTE: Perversion initially - Mature


**A/N: Hey guys, this is the first fiction I've published in a few months as I've suffered a severe case of loss of inspiration and writer's block. I'm dedicating this one to my best friend Alex who encouraged me to pick up my pen and start writing again. For those who have been waiting for me to update my initial stories, fear not, they will be updated no later than July. Getting them typed will take some time until I get out of school in a couple weeks.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Shingeki no Kyojin (Attack on Titan), those rights belong exclusively to Hajime Isayama. I was inspired by a passage from a novel (Star Wars: Fate of the Jedi, Ascension) written by Christie Golden.**

 **Without further a due, I present to you The Secret Touch, a Shingeki no Kyojin fanfiction.**

 _Dedication: Thank you Alex for your inspiration for me to write again and giving me the support I needed to write. Luv u sweetie. – JT_

 **Chapter One – Touching the Barrier**

One touch is all he wanted, but he refrained himself as having already turned this into a habit was bad enough. He had tried to stop, but he could, this was his release, his only moment of satisfaction as she slept unknowingly beneath his gaze. Jean sighed mentally as he unclasped his belt. Undoing his button and zipper, he pulled out his raging erection. Silently he began to stroke himself.

Jean had been doing this for nearly six months and to his surprise no one had ever caught him, thankfully. He admitted to himself that this was perverted and wrong, but his lust for her made himself succumb to his desires before logic could take place. Tonight was going to be no different, he would sneak into her bunk room, and then, with caution to avoid alerting the other girls in the room, he would masturbate until he relieved himself.

Jean panted as he neared his release. The floor creaked under the weight of another presence. Before he could even process the presence of another person, a hand covered his mouth to stifle his cry of surprise and worry. Another arm snaked across his chest pinning him against his assailant.

Sweat beaded at his brow as his assailant dragged him out of the barracks. He didn't want to struggle as this might spell an earlier fate for himself or worse, alert the guards and have to explain why he was in the girls' wing of the barracks without having filed a 12D4F paper. That would certainly spell doom for any chance for him to land in the top ten.

They moved silently across the training grounds filling Jean with worry and regret. Worse, his softening erection flopped around in the cold night air. Slowly the openness of the training grounds were consumed by the towering trees of the on base forest. Any sight of the openness of the main campus were covered by the ever thickening foliage. Whoever his kidnapper was, they were taking him deep into the woods, where no one would hear him, or find him.

When his assailant stopped in a small clearing where the moon bathed the whole area in a soft light, Jean grew scared. He was pushed upright into a standing position, but their hand remained across his chest to prevent him from trying anything. The hand covering his mouth was removed, but not before pressing a finger of silence to his lips. Said hand slithered down the front of his shirt and down towards his flaccid penis. A firm grasp later, Jean gulped.

"Tell me Jean, when you snuck in every night, what were you thinking," asked the voice of the last person he wished to have caught him. His crush, his source of lust, his ever living reason for this perversion, Mikasa Ackerman.

"Tell me and this won't be long and painful," she demanded tightening her grasp on his member as a clear threat. Jean resisted the urge to cry out. "Did it feel naughty? Did it make you excited when you found the solution when you figured you could never have me? Do you regret any of it now?"

What on earth were the purpose of these questions? Probably to torment him psychologically until he broke before she killed him or kicked his ass. When she began to tighten her grasp on him again, he replied before she could do any permanent damage, "I-I-wanted to stop, I know it was inappropriate and naughty, but it felt so good to be able to release my tension and give me pleasure without physically violating you."

Mikasa leaned against his back to the point where he could feel her breasts distort against his back. Her hot breath tickled his neck and raised his hairs as she spoke, "Did you ever stop the see if I was awake?"

'Shit. Shit. Shit. She was awake? Crap, she's going to kill me,' Jean panicked. He shook his head profusely as an answer. The rivers of sweat began to soak his shirt as the unorthodox interrogation continued. However, the thought of her hand still being wrapped around his cock began to excite him, which thus began hardening his member.

"Did you ever consider I wanted you to…" her voice trailed off as she noticed the change in density of what she held. Mikasa tugged experimentally back and forth on his now rapidly swelling erection. "Does my touch excite you," she asked teasingly.

The monotonous tone of her voice unnerved him. Jean wanted her to stop what she was doing before he released himself. His erection was so hard, it actually hurt. Nonetheless, he wanted to touch her, feel her body with his own two hands before taking her. If she'd wanted to kick his ass, she would've already done so.

Taking an unmediated risk, Jean firmly grasped her wrist and pulled her hand off his erection. She offered no resistance to his resolve as he turned around in her grasp.

"Mikasa be honest with me; do you want me to stop," he demanded as he released her wrist and let her hand find its way up his back.

He could see the gears turning in her eyes as she considered what he had just asked. "Yes, I want you to stop," she said after several tense heartbeats. Jean's heart filled with lead and dropped with heartbreak as he turned away, shoulders slumped in defeat.

He began to walk away briskly to avoid breaking down in front of her. It was best to leave her be, he had known from the start that she was going to ask him to stop.

Faintly from behind him, before he could get out of earshot, she muttered quietly under her breath, "…but I want you to tell me when you are in need so I can help you…and…"

Jean froze at what she'd just said. Twirling back to the somber Asian, he took three quick strides to close the distance he'd created between them. Grabbing her waist, he starred into her eyes searching for confirmation of what he'd just heard.

She stared back at him with a glimmer of hope and promise. Jean was at loss for words, not unlike their first encounter. Thinking of something fast he said, "Mikasa...y-y-you have beautiful hair."

Mikasa laughed lightly as he'd just used the same line as when they'd first spoken at their first dinner at camp. "I mean it, you're beautiful," he whispered as he leaned closer and closer. Their lips met in a flurry of passion. Her arms hugged him tighter, as if he'd leave her.

"J-Jean, I-I-I want you to stay with me please…" Mikasa stuttered pulling away from the embrace. Rather than answer, Jean trailed a line of kisses from her lips, across her cheek, and down her neck. Despite having zero experience with this sort of activity, Jean took it as a good sign when Mikasa moaned as he kissed her neck where he had felt her pulse.

Testing the waters further, he tried sucking on the spot, smirking inside when his actions elicited a stronger moan. In the moonlight, Jean admired her smooth porcelain skin, marred only by the hook scar on the corner of her mouth. She smiled back at him before summoning a devilish smile.

Before Jean could realize what she was doing, Mikasa shoved Jean down onto the ground, which was covered by a soft blanket. Oh, so she'd planned this, Jean thought to himself as Mikasa straddled him. She pushed up the hem of his shirt until he understood what she wanted. Leaning up as much as he could, she pulled the shirt off and discarded it to the side. With his belt already undone and pants unbuttoned and unzipped, Mikasa had little difficulty with pulling those off, leaving him clad in only his boxers.

Jean realized what she was about to do as she stripped herself of her own pants and shirt. Before she could take a hold of him with her hand, Jean grabbed her hand forcefully and stared her down as a clear indication to stop. He couldn't let her venture down a path once taken, could not be returned.

"Mikasa, I've lusted after you since we first met in the dining hall. I want this, I know you want this. No matter what happens I want this, but it doesn't have to be now. I want you to be ready to head down a path you can't back away from."

She must've taken this into consideration since she rolled off of him onto her side. She curled herself up and didn't move for some time. Jean thought she was thinking about what he'd told her until he heard the distinctive sound of sobbing, though it was quickly muffled. He sat there awkwardly, then muttered, "Ah, to hell with it," and lay down next to her. Knowing she'd rip his throat out or worse if this was not the right thing to do, he cautiously wrapped an arm around her slender waist and curled his body protectively around hers.

She lay still, stiff in his embrace, though occasionally he felt her body shake with sobs. Jean's heart ached knowing that he'd hurt her, trying to provoke a reaction, he pressed a cheek to her silken hair.

"I'm sorry Mika. I didn't intend to reject you. I want to spend my time with you..."

Mikasa nodded, though silent, and still shaking. Jean reached out his hand and gently stroked her hair, as if this fierce and powerful warrior was a young child in need of comfort, which in a way, she was. They were only fifteen years old, training to be soldiers. Though regarded as humanities best hope, in the end, they were still kids. Mikasa accepted this as she melted against him, her rigid form softening.

For a long time they lay like that, Jean had all the patience in the world for her, but even still, sleep was beginning to overcome him when she turned to face him.

"Jean?" She reached out pressed her hand against his chest feeling his heart steadily beat.

"Mhm," he answered sleepily.

"Do you think it would work?"

"What would work?"

Mikasa fell silent, Jean thought she had thought otherwise when she spoke again. Her façade fell completely before him, he could see every emotion dancing behind those silvery gray orbs. Rage, hurt, heart-break, worry, anxiety, love. Jean guessed her answer before she asked in a quiet, barely audible voice. "…us, together?"

In that instant, Jean knew that she was opening herself completely up to him, something he'd never seen her do, even for that idiot brother of hers Eren. He couldn't summon any words to bear as she asked the question he'd had on his mind for a long time.

"All my life, all I've known was loss. I-I- lost my parents when they were murdered when I was ten. Then I was kidnapped by the murderers, they intended to sell me to the slavers in the underground. Eren arrived in time to save me, but I almost lost him in the process. His parents took me in, but I lost them during the fall of Wall Maria. I only have Eren left, if I lost anything more…I don't know what I'd do."

He understood her fear of rejection and knew if he didn't phrase this correctly, she would be hurt to the point of suicidal despair. But he couldn't sympathize or empathize with her. He never had experience the loss of a parent, much less four. The loss of one parent had to be a traumatizing experience, but to lose both in one day, then gain a new family, only have it nearly wiped out was beyond comprehension. Jean now understood her protective and loyal nature for her adopted brother. He also now understood her spirit much better.

Giving her the most reassuring …and loving… look he could summon, he spoke. "Mikasa Ackerman," he began, quiet like hers had been, "If you believe it in your heart, anything you want is possible. Yes, I believe it would work out between us. It would be the greatest honor of my life to be in a relationship with you, no matter what happens, I'll be there for you."

Relief flooded from her eyes, washing away the previous emotions hidden in those precious eyes he'd come to adore. Impulsively, Jean let his hand trace the only imperfection on his oriental beauty's face. She closed her eyes and let him touch her. His lips followed his gentle caress, letting her know that, perfect or not, he loved her. Turning her head to complete the embrace, Jean tasted the saltiness of tears as he stroked her hair through the embrace. He held her tight and close, overwhelmed by being accept by the girl of his dreams and laying down the final weapons of distrust and rivalry. They would make it.

In love…they would persevere through the storm and emerge victorious.

They remained in the forest for another hour or so, until both decided it would be best to return to the barracks before their absence was noticed. Jean helped her dress and gather her belongings, then scooping her up in his arms, sprinted down the path towards the grounds. The moon was still high in the sky as they broke free of the forest. Running across the training grounds, ducking behind cover whenever they spotted an MP, Jean brought his love to her bunkhouse. Slipping inside soundlessly, he insisted to carry her down the corridor to her room, where he set her down on her bed.

As she laid down, Mikasa tugged on his sleeve. Jean smiled at her pleading request, but only kissed her temple. "We'll do it good and proper from now on." He still have to file a request with Instructor Shedis, so that he would not be reprimanded for sleeping in the girl's wing of the barracks or vice versa. This request would permit a pair of lovers to sleep in each other's barracks to encourage human reproduction. Most of the trainees thought that was a stupid idea as they were barely teenagers, but they still took advantage of it.

Mikasa nodded and received another kiss from him. Before he closed the door behind him, he whispered, "I love you."

 **A/N: Oops…did I just cock-block you Jean? I'm not sorry since I generally don't ship you two…**

 **Hope you guys enjoyed my first published Shingeki no Kyojin fanfiction. No, I am not perverted, it was just how it turned out to make this story interesting. I honestly didn't want to have Jean caught for a couple more chapters, but for sake of time and plot line, there you go.**

 **If you're curious as to the pairings of who I ship, check out my profile.**

 **PS: Send me a PM for any other pairings you desire in this story. Please note that any gay couples (aside from Ymir x Historia R./Krista L.) will be thrown out in a heartbeat unless you give me a very good reason. I accept all forms of sexuality, but I find it difficult to write these couples in my stories as I do not have this sort of mind set.**

 **Reviews are welcome, PM box is never closed**

 **\- FBM Pyrotech**


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